As Within, So Without
a Capricorn Full Moon missive
Cancer season flowed in on a tidal wave of emotions, each wave amplified by Jupiter. Grief and love. Joy and despair. Connection and loneliness. The Cancer-Capricorn axis, illuminated by the Full Moon, teaches us to create containers and set boundaries (Capricorn) to allow the full spectrum of emotions (Cancer) to flow through us. The container may be an altar space, a bathtub, a therapy session, a walk in nature, or a community circle. The boundary may be naming that we need space to ground our nervous systems and process what we’re feeling.
The lunar cycle is the rhythmic container that holds me each month as I tend my inner garden. On the New Moon, I sit at my altar and ask three questions. What do I need to open my heart to? What wants to manifest? What guidance do my ancestors have? I tune in, pull cards, and journal. The cards become seeds whose meanings emerge throughout the cycle. By the Full Moon, the message is clear.
This cycle, the Lovers wanted to manifest. The Lovers corresponds with Gemini, the cosmic twins, and describes how we see ourselves mirrored in the world around us. How do others reflect the conscious and subconscious parts of ourselves? How does the external landscape reflect our inner garden? As within, so without.
Since the New Moon, I have witnessed the Lovers everywhere. As the Sun, Moon, and Jupiter embraced in Cancer, I attended Ahlay Blakely’s community song circle. When Ahlay told the story behind her song, "Bloodlines," my throat tightened. As we learned the lyrics, a dam burst, and my tears flowed like a river. The lyrics go…
There are Songs singing in my bones
I can barely hear the notes
They are older than I know
They sound like
The ones I've not brought home yet
The ones I've not yet named
the ones I've pushed away
How can I be whole until all of you...
ALL OF YOU I have claimed?
Why deny this lineage?
It's why I am alive
This song is about Ahlay’s journey of ancestral lineage healing. A journey I know well. It’s about pushing away ancestors whose legacies include colonial violence and the hard work of welcoming them home. Ahlay’s story mirrored my own, and I saw myself in her song. Ahlay shared that when she pushed away her ancestors, she exiled parts of herself. When she exiled herself, she was capable of exiling others. As within, so without.
Ahlay’s song elevated an unconscious wound to my field of awareness. That is the power of the Lovers. Making the unconscious conscious, so we can break cycles, heal, and grow. My ancestral lineage healing began during my Saturn Return when I first confronted my family’s intergenerational cycles of harm. I uncovered patterns of abuse, alcoholism, and the separation of parents and children through death, divorce, and displacement. The wounds of my ancestors live in my bones, and so do their gifts and resilience.
As I grappled with the patterns of intergenerational abuse, I felt rage toward my father’s father’s bloodline. How could this cycle repeat for so many generations?! This patterning felt like the source of my deepest wounds - my anxious attachment style, my fear of abandonment, and my struggle with alcoholism. In my grief, I severed my relationship with my dad. I needed space and time to heal. That was three years and a season ago, and we haven’t spoken since.
This year, I‘m facilitating a year-long book club to practice the guidance in Ancestral Medicine: Rituals for Personal and Family Healing by Daniel Foor. I’ve focused on connecting with the cultures, stories, and traditions of my maternal ancestors. However, I have neglected my paternal lineage. My dad and I share a passion for family history and geneaology. Growing up, he told me stories about our ancestors, and unfortunately, at the time, I didn’t care. Now that my passion for ancestral remembrance has awakened, I grieve no longer having access to those stories. Since January, I’ve told myself that I’ll get to know my paternal lineage when I’m ready to reconnect with my dad.
This grief erupted within me during Ahlay Blakely’s song circle. When she sang about pushing her ancestors away, I realized I pushed my paternal ancestors away. When she sang, “How can I be whole until all of you…ALL OF YOU I have claimed?” I realized I cannot be whole until I welcome all of my ancestors home. After the song circle, I sat at my ancestor altar and sang Bloodlines over and over again. I told my paternal ancestors that I’m finally ready to welcome them home.
Attuning to the Cycle
New Moon in Cancer - June 25th 5:31 a.m. CDT
First Quarter Moon in Libra - July 2nd 2:29 p.m. CDT
Full Moon in Capricorn - July 10th 3:35 p.m. CDT
Last Quarter Moon in Aries - July 17th 7:38 p.m. CDT
Balsamic Moon in Gemini - July 21st 4:31 a.m. CDT
Sol Connections
In Ep. 14 | We Are Many: Gemini, Pollination & Nourishing our Networks, Aryn, Dani & I explore the archetypes, patterns, and stories of Gemini, the Knight of Swords, Lavender, and A Bug’s Life.
We discuss the astrological transits of Gemini season, including Saturn in Aries, Jupiter in Cancer, and the Full Moon in Sagittarius. Our conversation delves into the necessity of building networks of community care, summoning the courage to speak one’s truth, and challenging binaries that restrict authentic expression.
As we reflect upon Gemini season, we invite you to ponder...
What networks are you a part of? What role do you currently play in those networks?
What do you have to offer your networks, and what do you need to receive from your networks?
What are the most aligned ways for you to show up within your community? How can you show up in ways that are sustainable, connective, and inspire collective delight?
Herbcrafting
In the last two weeks, I’ve herbcrafted…
Motherwort tincture with Motherwort from my garden
Milky Oats tincture with fresh Milky Oats grown by Rhubarb Botanicals
St. John’s Wort oil with vibrant St. John’s Wort from my garden
My Latest Fascinations
🌱 Ahlay Blakely’s WAILS: Songs for Grief album
🌱 The Inner Circle and anything created by dajé alōh (@thestorydoula)
🌱 Ilana Khin is a copywriting magician! I am learning a lot from her and signed up for her free masterclass, Recession-Proof Positioning.
In ancestral grief & healing, Emily
The information in this newsletter is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice or treatment.
Ancestral work is so challenging when there is so much pain and grief wrapped in. Thank you for sharing your story with us! I similarly have been closed off to my paternal ancestral line, but I am feeling a call to my paternal great grandmother, who was a prolific musician. It's hard and necessary work!