Summer of Breakups

The aftermath of Venus in Leo

The dust is settling. On October 7^th Venus leaves her shadow behind, and on October 8^th she packs her bags saying goodbye to Leo. It’s been a long four months for our relationships. Some call it the summer of breakups.

My breakup was unexpected, and it triggered painful abandonment wounds. It left me questioning. Am I too much? Not enough?  

I’ve lost handfuls of friends in my adult life. Most times we grew apart and slowly drifted away. As I separated from one group another would emerge. It’s a pattern I’ve noticed. When I lose someone another relationship blossoms filling the emptiness in my heart.

This breakup was seismic. So out of the blue it left my head spinning. One day we were friends, the next radio silence. At first, I accepted they needed space, but weeks turned into months, and my heart ached. My mind replayed our relationship over and over. Every conversation, every shared experience. What went wrong?

The thing about me is I love hard. I love passionately. I love fearlessly. It’s my natal Venus in Aries. I barrel into relationships heart first. I want to know your heart, so first, I show you mine. This vulnerable way of being is a beautiful, messy way to live. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Over the years I’ve had to learn discernment. Living boldly with an open heart has made me gullible, naïve, and too trusting at times. I’ve been taken advantage of, and as I age, I learn to set better boundaries.

The other thing about me is I’m a very solar person, and the Sun casts shadows. I take up space. I take charge. I speak up. Community organizing taught me the balance of stepping up and stepping back.

To be in right relationship I cannot take up all the space. Reciprocity is a key ingredient for nourishing relationships. At the same time, I honor my radiance because the source is my heart. I once had an intuitive tell me my heart is my psychic organ, and it’s true. My heart always leads the way.

I’m still grappling with the past four months of Venus in Leo. A powerful transit through my first house of body, self, and identity. How have my commitments, desires, and values changed?

I know I desire to be seen, and that doesn’t make me arrogant or self-centered. I desire to be accepted for who I am. I desire to be loved for the radiance in my heart.

I desire to be in relationship with those who are confident in who they are. I desire to be in relationship with those who embrace their radiance.

Although my heart is grieving this loss, the universal pattern repeats. Already, loving, vibrant people fill the emptiness reminding me I will heal.