The Venus Diaries Pt. 5: Compost & Renewal
A Venus retrograde series
The Venus Diaries is a series of diary-like missives about love, loss, and renewal. They are a devotional offering to Venus, transmitted weekly on Venus Day during Venus Hour. These missives are for my 24-year-old self, who began this Venus cycle in so much pain and so full of hope. This series is an invitation. Join me as we descend into the underworld, surrender to the spiral, and experience the synchronicities of the Venus cycle.
Dear reader,
Welcome to The Venus Diaries, a Venus retrograde newsletter series. You can catch up with previous missives here:
2025 Venus Retrograde in Aries & Pisces
January 28th Venus entered her retrograde shadow 24° Pisces
March 1st Venus stationed retrograde 10° Aries
March 22nd Venus Cazimi 2° Aries (Inferior Conjunction)
The 8-year Venus cycle we are reflecting upon in this newsletter series ends and a new one begins.
April 12th Venus stations direct 24° Pisces
May 16th Venus leaves her retrograde shadow 10° Aries
Tomorrow Venus stations direct in Pisces, and this is the second to last missive of the Venus Diaries. What an underworld journey it has been. Reflecting upon the last eight years of my life has tapped a wellspring of gratitude for the present moment. My 24-year-old self needed me to write this series to tell her we’re safe and our dreams have come true. In one Venus cycle, I have grown from a tiny seed into a beautiful tree with deep roots and fruits to share with my community. My husband and I often express gratitude for our simple, delicious lives. For most of my life, I was discontent and yearned to be in an imaginary future where I thought I would be happier and thriving. It took three decades, but I’m finally content with my life exactly as it is. I still have dreams and goals for the future, and I’m confident they’ll blossom at the right time. For now, I’m savoring the fruits of my labor and reveling in gratitude for my younger self and everything she endured so I could be here today.
2021 & 2022 Venus Retrograde in Capricorn
November 17, 2021 Venus entered her shadow 11° Capricorn
December 19, 2021 Venus stationed retrograde 26° Capricorn
January 8, 2022 Venus Cazimi 18° Capricorn (Inferior Conjunction)
January 29, 2022 Venus stationed direct 11° Capricorn
March 1, 2022 Venus left her shadow 26° Capricorn
When Venus stationed retrograde on December 19, 2021, she conjoined Pluto in Capricorn. Pluto (Hades) is the king of the underworld, lord of riches, and god of the hidden wealth of the Earth.1 In astrology, Pluto is the archetype of evolution and the undercurrent of the cycle of death and rebirth. When Pluto conjoins Venus, he exposes conditioned desires and false values ready to be shed.
During Venus' retrograde in Capricorn, I began composting my inherited values related to achievement, self-worth, and work. The men of my patrilineage passed on the belief that you work hard to provide for your family. My father grew up in poverty and instilled a “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality within me. The dominant culture reinforced these values, and I learned my worthiness correlated to my ability to achieve and produce. I only felt good about myself when I received praise for my academic, extracurricular, or professional achievements. This all came to a head when I experienced burnout in my late 20s.
I used to say I worked two full-time jobs. I had a job that paid the bills, and community organizing was my second job. I witnessed my father work two jobs most of my life, and this level of work was normal to me. I didn’t realize how profoundly I had internalized hustle and grind culture. I was a self-proclaimed anti-capitalist and yet I worked myself to the bone, convincing myself it was devotion to the movement. Being a community organizer became my identity, and my self-worth depended on being recognized as a valuable leader in movement spaces. By the end of 2021, I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. My body and spirit were depleted and depression set in.
The Venus retrograde in Capricorn guided me through another underworld journey of rediscovering my sense of self beyond my ability to achieve and produce. Stepping back from organizing gave me the space to see how much I needed to heal. Recovering from burnout required stillness, and in the quiet, I opened spiritually. I learned to communicate with my ancestors, and my relationship with astrology blossomed. These practices held me as I purged the false values and limiting beliefs that restricted me for so long.
One week after Venus left her retrograde shadow, I sensed another shift was needed, but I didn’t know what. I composted so many parts of myself and felt adrift. I biked to the Lake to ground myself. I found a tree to rest against, closed my eyes, and asked for guidance. I reflected on the beautiful trip to Sedona I had just experienced with my mom, grandma, and great-aunt. It was the most quality time I had spent with my family in ages, and my heart longed for more time with them. Thoughts of moving to Wisconsin crossed my mind and instead of the usual resistance, I softened. When I opened my eyes, I checked my phone and saw a text from my friend requesting recommendations for her upcoming trip to Milwaukee. It was all the confirmation I needed. As I biked home, I imagined moving to Milwaukee. By the time I reached my apartment, my mind was made up. I was ready to move back home.
Content warning: The following story is about the loss of my beloved bunny, Koko.
The Venus retrograde in Capricorn aligned with another significant loss in my life. On February 11, 2022, my beloved mini Holland lop, Koko, passed away. I found Koko at a local pet store in my college town shortly after I graduated. I instantly knew we were meant to be together. Koko was my companion through everything I’ve written about in this newsletter series. She was cuddly, spunky, loving, and full of personality. She supported me through every struggle and every joy. Our bond was sacred, and losing her was devastating. I channeled my grief into the collage pictured here, as this is how I imagined her in the afterlife. Will and I buried Koko in the backyard of my childhood home, and we visit her often. Today, she is Ancestor Koko, and her collage is proudly displayed on our ancestor altar. Rest in peace, my sweet Koko.
2022 Venus Cazimi in Libra
October 22, 2022 Venus Cazimi 29° Libra (Superior Conjunction)
Moving to Milwaukee was a beautiful renewal. Like a houseplant, I needed to be repotted to grow and flourish. We moved in July 2022 on the first day of the Riverwest 24. We didn’t find out about the 24-hour bike race until the day before and realized our new home was along the route. Fortunately, Will and I are avid bikers and love a community celebration. It was the best welcome-to-Milwaukee party ever!
By October, we were settling into our new city and fell in love with Milwaukee’s parks, network of bike trails, and our proximity to Lake Michigan. Ten days before the Venus Cazimi in Libra, Will and I celebrated our anniversary. On our way to dinner, Will suggested we visit the Water Tower and take a picture in front of the Lake. We biked down North Avenue and were greeted by a rafter of ten wild turkeys. We laughed as we said hi to the turkeys and enjoyed the view of the Lake. Will set up his tripod to take our photo and surprised me by dropping to one knee and asking me to marry him. Our engagement was simple and beautiful. That day we decided wild turkeys were a good omen and a rafter was a sign of blessings to come.
Thank you for reading The Venus Diaries. Next week, I’ll be back with the final missive about the events that unfolded throughout the 2023 Venus retrograde and the 2024 Venus Cazimi. Stay tuned!
In love & devotion, Emily
https://www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Haides.html
I love that picture of Koko 😭 she's the sweetest little bunny! It makes me so happy that MKE welcomed you with open arms, especially with your ancestral connection to Milwaukee! I resonate so much with the external and accomplishments as validation. It's been such an honor reading this vulnerable journey